You’ve never truly been alone with your pain. Instead, you’ve sought comfort in the distractions of dating, relationships, marriage, and anything else that can soothe or stimulate. But this cycle—this avoidance—becomes the root of all your relationship struggles, your addiction to validation, and your inability to confront the deep pain of an unloved self. Dating and relating, at its core, often serves as an escape from self.
Neediness? That’s simply your pain calling you to sit with it.
Unless two people have fully committed to learning how to navigate and translate their own wounded abandonment—without projecting it onto each other—the default patterns will always emerge.
And let’s be honest, this kind of self-education is no easy task. It requires you to face the hard truth: all the unworthiness, the unsafe, unloved parts of you that you’re used to flinging at others must be owned. Over and over again.
You can’t demand someone else fix it or make you happy. If you’re pushing or demanding, you’re coming from a place of lack.
Here’s the truth: if you truly loved yourself, you’d be willing to walk away from anything misaligned. But most people don’t.
They ignore red flags, settle for anything that feels like love, and accept scraps from the unloved, blind, abandoned parts of their own soul.
They pretend to be happy for years because it feels safer than sitting in the rawness of their truth.
This isn’t new. Studies in the 80s documented these patterns—people clinging to relationships without understanding the deeper layers driving their neediness, their issues, and their entire lives.
Until you face what’s behind that neediness, you’ll keep repeating the cycle, blind to the truth you’ve been avoiding all along.